“Narcissism.” The word is a mainstay in modern day cultural lexicon, and rooted in the fictional character Narcissus, from a myth by first century Roman poet Ovid about a man who was cursed by the gods and made to fall in love with his own reflection.
These days, the term “narcissism” is thrown around quite a lot. People in the public and private eye are frequently labeled as “narcissists.” This is hugely problematic, as far as I’m concerned, because in reality, real narcissism is quite rare—and let’s be thankful for that.
In fact, according to Psychology Today, only about 1% of the population are TRUE narcissists. What does “true narcissist” mean exactly? And what do we do if we know someone who is either a true narcissist or simply exhibits narcissistic traits and tendencies? Let’s discuss.
Mayo Clinic describes narcissistic personality disorder (NPD) as “a mental condition in which people have an inflated sense of their own importance, a deep need for excessive attention and admiration, troubled relationships, and a lack of empathy for others.”
True narcissists:
NPD is one of ten clinically recognized personality disorders described in the American Psychiatric Association’s Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM-V), along with antisocial personality disorder, borderline personality disorder, obsessive compulsive personality disorder, and others.
Please notice the implication here: narcissism is an extremely rare, clinically recognizable mental health disorder, NOT a character flaw. Only licensed mental health professionals such as psychologists or psychiatrists can diagnose someone with NPD—so the claim that your partner/parent/in-law/coworker is a narcissist, absent any medical diagnosis, is almost certainly incorrect.
Yes, someone you know might exhibit narcissistic traits or tendencies, such as controlling or manipulative behavior (e.g., gaslighting), selfishness, or decreased empathy. And there’s no doubt that these traits can be incredibly painful and difficult to deal with. But this doesn’t necessarily mean this person you know is actually a narcissist, and in the same way that it’s offensive and hurtful to call someone a “schizo” or accuse them of being “OCD”, it’s equally offensive and hurtful to call someone a narcissist, simply because they exhibit some of the traits inherent to the genuine disorder.
As it is, true narcissists require intensive, long-term psychotherapy and medication to manage their behaviors, improve their coping skills, and heal their interpersonal relationships. Unfortunately, people with NPD are highly unlikely to seek therapy, often because they don’t think anything is wrong or don’t care about the way their behaviors affect others.
People who exhibit narcissistic traits can benefit from psychotherapy, too. They may even respond better to counseling and may be more likely to seek professional help in the first place, although this remains highly individual.
Of course, this doesn’t necessarily mean things are hopeless for you if you have a loved one who has NPD or exhibits narcissistic behaviors. But it does mean you’ll need to employ some useful tactics to protect your own well-being. So, whether your partner, parent, family member, or friend exhibits narcissistic tendencies, here are some things you can do that might help:
Finally, if you know someone who truly has NPD, be sure to meet with a licensed mental health counselor—even if they don’t. NPD is a life-long, intense, and challenging condition, and loved ones of people with narcissism can greatly benefit from professional guidance.
Is Someone In Your Life a Narcissist?
If you need help dealing with someone in your life exhibiting narcissistic behaviors or NPD, contact Couples Thrive at 954-654-9609 to schedule an appointment today.
