Just about all of us feel offended at times—whether that’s in response to something that someone did (or didn’t) do or say, or even in response to what we assume about someone’s words, intentions, or actions.

To be clear, I am in no way excusing intentionally hurtful behaviors—when other people treat you poorly, you have every right to express your feelings, set some boundaries, and, if necessary, distance yourself. But when you’re constantly irked, irritated, offended, or upset by others (or even other “entities,” such as a political group), that’s a strong indication that you might benefit from changing your mindset, rather than demanding other people change—or even apologize, for that matter.

To help make sense of this, let’s look at some reasons why certain people take offense so often:

• They have unhealed emotional or psychological issues related to past experiences
• They perceive that their honor, personal or ideological beliefs, or public image are being threatened
• They are self-conscious about something that the “offender” brought up (whether real or perceived)
• Their emotional state in general is negatively impacted by excessive news and social media consumption, unhealthy lifestyle habits, undiagnosed and/or under-treated mental health conditions, etc.
• They simply have the mental habit of taking things too personally and may struggle to consider things from someone else’s point of view

To be frank, all of these reasons can really be summed up in one word: insecurity.

The person who is insecure will constantly see other people’s actions (or inactions) as a threat to their sense of self. When someone doesn’t do or say what we want or expect them to do, this can be very uncomfortable and unnerving for those of us who are insecure. Insecurity causes us to rely almost exclusively on external things and conditions to help us feel safer in the world—and since the external isn’t within our control, we are often left reeling, reactive, and defensive.

Conversely, the secure person is willing and able not to take things so personally all the time—perhaps even in situations when another person was trying to offend them intentionally. How? Because the secure individual understands that what other people do and say ultimately has nothing to do with them. Individuals who are secure in themselves are less likely to perceive other people’s words or behaviors as personal attacks, and more likely to understand that what other people do and say is simply a result of their own personal experiences, assumptions, knowledge, and beliefs. Emotional security grants us a rich internal bedrock of self-respect, appreciation, and love that we can use to stand strong even in the face of adversity.

“No one can make you feel inferior without your consent.” – Eleanor Roosevelt