⏰ Read Time: 8 minutes

Let me deinfluence you for a moment.

Not from a product.

Not from a trend.

But from an idea that quietly damages relationships every single day, especially during the holidays.

The idea that your relationship should look a certain way.

Scroll through social media long enough and you’ll see it: coordinated outfits, smiling couples, cozy traditions, effortless intimacy. It’s subtle, but powerful. These images don’t just entertain us, they set expectations. Expectations about how love should feel, how connection should look, and how couples should show up this time of year.

And when real life doesn’t match what you’re seeing, it’s easy to assume something is wrong. But the truth is simpler and harder to accept: social media doesn’t show relationships. It shows moments.

How social media quietly rewrites relationship standards:

Social media doesn’t just influence what we buy. It influences what we believe is normal.

It teaches couples that:

• Love should look easy

• Conflict should be rare

• Connection should be constant

• Holidays should feel magical

What it doesn’t show is the process. The fatigue. The misunderstandings. The emotional labor. The off days. The quiet disconnection that eventually gets repaired.

That absence matters.

Because when couples don’t see the full picture, they start comparing their real relationship to a curated one and they always lose. Public pressure isn’t just a celebrity problem We tend to think this kind of scrutiny only affects people in the public eye. But the scale may be different, the impact is the same.

We’ve watched this dynamic unfold publicly recently.

Kyle Richards shared how gossip and outside judgment overwhelmed a budding relationship. Not because the connection wasn’t real, but because the constant scrutiny left no room for it to exist privately.

Alix Earle navigated a very public breakup while strangers speculated, analyzed, and consumed her heartbreak as entertainment.

Different lives. Different platforms. Same emotional reality.

When a relationship becomes exposed to too much outside noise, emotional safety erodes. And during the holidays, that noise gets louder for everyone.

Why the holidays amplify comparison and pressure:

The holidays already come with expectations. Social media just turns the volume up.

You’re expected to:

• Show up together

• Look happy

• Feel grateful

• Be aligned

Family gatherings bring questions that feel evaluative. Friends offer opinions they don’t have to live with. Social media quietly reinforces the message that good couples do this better.

What often happens next is subtle but damaging: couples shift from connecting to performing.

They smile through tension. They postpone real conversations. They minimize what they’re feeling because “it’s not that bad.”

Over time, this creates emotional distance, not because couples don’t care, but because they’re trying to meet an invisible standard instead of tending to what’s real.

Messy doesn’t mean broken

Here’s the part that most couples need to hear, especially this time of year:

Messy doesn’t mean broken.

Quiet doesn’t mean disconnected.

Imperfect doesn’t mean failing.

Healthy relationships aren’t smooth all the time. They’re uneven. They expand and contract. They require repair. They include seasons of closeness and seasons of fatigue.

Social media trains couples to distrust these normal fluctuations.

Instead of asking, “What do we need right now?”

Couples start asking, “Why don’t we look like them?”

That question creates pressure, and pressure is the enemy of emotional safety.

The cost of performing instead of connecting

When couples feel watched, they become guarded.

When they feel compared, they withdraw.

When they feel pressure to look okay, they stop being honest.

This leads to:

• Avoidance of difficult conversations

• Resentment that leaks out sideways

• Emotional distance masked as busyness

The relationship doesn’t fall apart dramatically.

It thins quietly.

And because nothing is “wrong enough,” couples often blame themselves instead of the environment they’re navigating.

What it looks like to deinfluence your relationship expectations:

Deinfluencing doesn’t mean rejecting social media or lowering standards. It means releasing unrealistic ones.

It looks like:

• Choosing alignment over appearance

• Prioritizing honesty over harmony

• Valuing emotional safety more than optics

It means allowing your relationship to be human, especially during high-pressure seasons like the holidays.

Before family events, it might mean checking in privately instead of assuming alignment.

During tense moments, it might mean naming stress instead of pretending it isn’t there.

And when comparison creeps in, it means reminding yourself that what you see online is not the full story, and it never was.

The grounding truth couples need this season

You don’t need to look okay to be okay.

Strong relationships aren’t the ones that meet every expectation. They’re the ones that know how to protect their connection from external noise.

This holiday season, the most meaningful thing couples can do isn’t perform closeness, it’s practice presence.

Not perfectly.

Not constantly.

But intentionally.

Because real connection doesn’t happen online.

It’s built in private conversations.

Quiet choices.

And the moments where you choose each other over comparison.