Estimated read time: 6 minutes

Let’s be real — it’s hard when you feel like the only one doing the work.

You schedule the check-ins.

You initiate the hard conversations.

You read the articles, listen to the podcasts, and bring the resources.

And it’s not that your partner doesn’t care.

But it feels like they’re waiting on you to be the emotional engine.

That’s not sustainable.

Here’s how to start shifting that dynamic — without bitterness, blame, or burnout.

🧭 Step 1: Be honest — and frame it as a need, not a complaint

Instead of:

“I’m always the one doing everything.”

Try:

“I feel like I’m carrying a lot of the emotional energy in our relationship, and I’d love for us to share that more. Can we talk about what that could look like together?”

This keeps the door open instead of putting someone on the defensive.

🔁 Step 2: Ask for something specific and doable

People often resist emotional labor because they don’t know what to do.

Say:

• “Would you be open to doing a weekly check-in together?”

• “Can you take the lead next time we need to talk something through?”

• “I’d love if you could bring up our relationship sometimes — not just me.”

Small, specific requests make action easier.

💬 Step 3: Name what’s going well

Change happens best in a climate of appreciation.

If your partner does show up emotionally, even in small ways — name it.

• “I felt really supported when you asked how I was feeling yesterday.”

• “That check-in made me feel more connected to you.”

What gets praised, gets repeated.

You deserve a relationship where the weight is shared.

Start small. Start gently.

But start.