⏰ Estimated read time: 6 minutes

Don't Let the Holidays Hijack Your Relationship

Thanksgiving is supposed to be about gratitude. But for many couples, it ends up being about survival.

Between family dynamics, logistical chaos, and internal pressure to "keep the peace," it’s no surprise so many people feel emotionally frayed before the turkey hits the table.

If you want to protect your relationship this Thanksgiving, the time to start is now, before you're in the thick of it.

Why the Holidays Strain Relationships

Even in healthy partnerships, the holidays create high-stress conditions:

• You’re around people who trigger old roles and patterns

• One partner often carries more emotional labor

• Expectations run high (especially around family harmony)

• Time together becomes time for others

And if you're not intentional, your relationship gets pushed to the side, while resentment quietly takes its place.

How to Stay United as a Couple

1. Align on Expectations Before the Day Starts

Talk through logistics and emotional needs in advance. Try:

• “What’s most important to you this year?”

• “Is there anything that would make you feel supported?”

• “How long do we want to stay?”

• “What’s our game plan if things get uncomfortable?”

Having these conversations ahead of time prevents blowups later.

2. Protect Each Other with Gentle Check-Ins

Sometimes, all it takes is a hand on the shoulder or a quick glance to say “I’ve got you.”

Don’t let the chaos make you forget you’re a team.

Even subtle moments of connection can regulate your nervous system and keep you grounded in the relationship, not just the environment.

3. Set Boundaries Around Sensitive Topics

Family members may mean well, but that doesn’t give them free rein to ask about:

• Your relationship timeline

• Parenting choices

• Financial decisions

• Politics or religion

Prepare language ahead of time like:

• “We’re keeping that between us for now.”

• “That’s not up for discussion today.”

• “We’re just here to enjoy the day together.”

Boundaries don’t have to be dramatic, they just need to be clear.

Common Holiday Pitfalls (and How to Avoid Them)

• Overcommitting: You don’t have to attend every event or please every person. Prioritize your peace.

• Performing: You’re allowed to be your real self. No need to pretend things are perfect.

• Delaying Conflict Conversations: Don’t push things aside “for the holiday” if it means storing up resentment.

• Ignoring Needs: Schedule time to decompress together before and after the event.

Final Thoughts

You don’t need to dread Thanksgiving. But you do need to plan for it emotionally, not just logistically.

Talk with your partner before the day unfolds. Stay connected in small ways throughout the chaos. And don’t be afraid to protect your peace, even from well-meaning family.

This year, let the thing you’re most grateful for be the relationship you’ve nurtured, not just the one you’ve maintained.

Because when you show up for each other, everything else feels easier to navigate.